RICANBRO

Denial is probably one of the most versatile tools I have as a dominant.

I use it often, and for many different reasons. Sometimes denial is punishment. Sometimes it’s redirection. Sometimes it’s a way of reinforcing expectations. And, perhaps surprisingly, sometimes I use denial to empower a sub.

Because denial isn’t always about simply taking something away.

Denial creates a space between desire and gratification. What a sub does inside that space tells me a lot about them.

The Obvious One: Orgasm Denial

One of the most regular forms of denial in my toolkit is orgasm denial—or, at the very least, denial of intentional orgasms.

It’s also one of the first forms of denial that some subs really struggle with.

I understand why. Some are so accustomed to ejaculation being the inevitable conclusion of sexual pleasure that removing it feels almost counterintuitive. Some even come into findom having built their entire routine around it: get horny, submit, send, orgasm, come down, repeat.

For some people, orgasm denial is simply a non-negotiable. That’s fine.

But I challenge the subs who are open to it to look at denial differently.

Instead of viewing orgasm denial as something being taken from you, what happens if you view it as an opportunity to discover what else all of that desire can become?

I’ve watched the behavior of subs shift when they’re pent up for several days or a week. The usual release isn’t there, but the desire certainly hasn’t disappeared. If anything, they become hyperfocused on finding somewhere else to put it.

And that’s where having a dominant in their life who understands them can become powerful.

Life is fucking distracting. Work. Responsibilities. Personal problems. Stress. There are a million things competing for our attention every day, and somewhere underneath all of that can be this desire to submit that never quite goes away.

Denial has a funny way of bringing it back to the surface.

When that sexual energy doesn’t immediately end in an orgasm, there’s suddenly much more of it looking for somewhere to go. And when it’s deliberately channeled toward submission, service and purpose, I’ve watched subs become much more comfortable expressing parts of themselves that normally get buried beneath everything else.

That’s why I don’t necessarily see orgasm denial as depriving a sub.

Sometimes I’m helping them redirect.

Denial doesn’t eliminate desire. It gives desire somewhere else to go.

Denial as Redirection

And orgasm denial is only one example—although it’s an important one.

Another reason I use denial is to redirect behavior.

Redirection is essential when teaching a sub my expectations because submission isn’t simply about learning what’s “right” and what’s “wrong.”

It’s learning how to correctly submit.

Recently, #38 and #44 gave me a perfect example.

I sometimes encourage the numbers on my roster to interact with one another. I actually enjoy seeing it. But there is an understanding behind that privilege: you’re there to help each other, encourage each other and recognize that, despite having very different forms of submission, you’re ultimately on the same roster.

#38 and #44 are very different.

#44 is a gainer with plenty of experience indulging its appetite.

#38 is my baby cuck, who has been learning to embrace its new identity after formerly trying to play dominant—a faildom turned diapered baby.

They started talking.

Initially, everything was working exactly as intended. #44 was encouraging #38 and praising it for embracing this side of itself.

Then the dynamic started changing.

What began as encouragement shifted toward humiliation and orders. One number was beginning to behave as though it had authority over another.

And #38, not knowing any better, went along with it.

We hadn’t yet established a concrete rule prohibiting this, although the subject of taking orders from other people had come up loosely before. So when I discovered what was happening, I didn’t view it as an opportunity to simply announce a new rule.

I saw an opportunity to teach the expectation.

#38 was immediately told to stop responding to #44 under those circumstances.

Then came the denial.

Two Numbers, Two Very Different Punishments

Their punishments were deliberately tailored to them.

38 was not to remove its shit filled diaper despite expelling how uncomfortable it was. 44—someone who loves eating and normally has little difficulty indulging its appetite—was denied a meal for an indefinite period.

Different subs.

Different desires.

Different forms of denial.

Same lesson.

As the day continued, the denied sub became increasingly hungry. Meanwhile, the other was experiencing its own uncomfortable consequence and repeatedly asking me for permission for relief.

Neither knew exactly when its punishment would end.

And then, at around 5 p.m., I decided to give them an opportunity to end each other’s punishment.

I asked #38 whether #44 should finally be allowed to eat.

#38 said yes.

Then I turned to #44.

Should #38 be allowed to change its diaper?

“I don’t think so, sir.”

Interesting.

Because in that single answer, #44 showed me that the lesson hadn’t landed yet.

#38 had just been given an opportunity to prolong #44’s discomfort and chose compassion.

#44 was given the exact same opportunity and chose differently.

So the denial continued.

I explained why.

Had the decision been left entirely to #38, #44 would already be eating. Instead, #44 had decided that another number deserved to continue suffering while simultaneously wanting its own punishment to end.

That wasn’t how this roster was going to work.

#44 isn’t better than #38. #38 isn’t better than #44. Their forms of submission might look completely different, but neither gets to establish itself above another number on my roster.

If I encourage my subs to interact, it’s because I want them helping each other—not creating their own little hierarchies underneath me.

And suddenly, the original reason for the punishment became much clearer.

#44 understood.

It apologized. It acknowledged what it had done wrong. More importantly, it understood why it was wrong.

That was what I had been waiting for.

#44 was allowed to eat.

#38 was granted its relief.

The denial was over.

Sometimes the Thing Being Denied Isn’t the Point

That’s the part of denial that fascinates me.

I could have simply told both numbers, “Don’t do that again.”

And yes, they probably would have listened.

But I don’t think the lesson would have carried nearly the same weight.

Instead, denial gave me the ability to interrupt a developing behavior, redirect it, and then create a situation where the numbers themselves demonstrated whether they understood what I was trying to teach them.

That’s something I find incredibly useful as a dominant.

Denial creates a space between desire and gratification.

With orgasm denial, I get to see where a sub directs its sexual energy when immediate release is removed.

With punishment, I get to see how a sub behaves when something it wants isn’t immediately available.

With redirection, I can take away one path and show them another.

And sometimes denial even reveals something neither of us realized was there.

How does a sub behave when it’s frustrated?

Does it become selfish?

Does it become thoughtful?

Does it look for another way to express its submission?

Does it understand why I’m saying no?

And, most importantly, when given another opportunity, does it behave differently?

That’s the power of denial.

Yes, I can take something away as punishment.

But more importantly, I can give it back when the lesson has been learned.

The denial itself isn’t always what interests me.

It’s what happens between those two moments.

And this is only one story.